[Disclaimer:
compromised objectivity explained in body of review]
I
am torn between disappointment and relief that I'm
having trouble downloading (or uploading?)
the audio version of The
Illegal: The
First Mexican Superhero.
On
one end of my dilemma is my desire to hear the voice of Sarah,
my daughter, who plays one of the parts. Opposing
this desire is
my discomfort at the prospect of hearing Sarah's voice in one of the
parts.
Is
she "Anna," an undercover agent on assignment to destroy a
drug- manufacturing slave camp that tortures children? From the book:
“’You,
dumbass!’ Anna swore. ‘You’re more of a hero than that sick
fuck will ever be! You remember that shit!’”
Or
is she "Kelly," the novel's arch-villain known as The
Specialist? Here's a description:
"breathtaking
blonde in her early twenties. Her skin was fair, and her eyes were a
piercing blue. And yet, that beauty seemed like a facade.
It seemed like there was something
behind that face, something unpleasant." And
this:
“She’s
worse than any nightmare you’ve ever had."
Kelly's
language? Well, of course it's...shall we say, a tad rough,
considering she's the arch-villain, but as actions are said to speak
louder than words, this scene alone exemplifies the sort of action
that would give me nightmares just knowing it
was only Sarah’s
voice
in
the
role:
"The
Specialist held up a chunk of brain that had been blasted from the
back of her own skull. She nonchalantly stuffed the brain chunk back
into its place of origin, and like the wounds to her face;
the
back of Kelly Carter’s head resealed itself." This
after casually ripping out the spine of a street beggar whose
presence offended her.
Not
that Anna’s only threat to my fatherly sensibility is her foul
mouth. During one forty-minute rampage she
nunchucked,
punched,
and
kicked
her way for eighteen
city
blocks
“brushing aside any person (badge or civilian) that chose to be an
asshole.
“Her
lungs were aflame, and her limbs felt like jelly, but whatever.
Waiting on the next street was a shoe store having been sacked by a
quartet of Breakers. They had beaten the shop owner to dust, and were
now ripping off the clothes of the man’s teenage daughter. A
screaming Anna attacked with everything she had left, and by the time
she was finished, not one of the intended rapists would ever walk or
eat solid foods again.”
 |
Sarah
|
That’s
my girl—or might be, if that’s her role. Or her voice, the voice
I once heard tearfully explain what had just happened in the book her
mom was reading to her. “Charlotte died,” was all Sarah could
choke out expressing the grief she felt for the namesake of E.B.
White’s classic children’s novel, Charlotte’s
Web.
Her voice conveyed her broken
heart
instantly to me, producing fatherly tears, even now, just
remembering.
The
voice
was a rugrat’s, about 3, I’m thinking, when I heard it utter the
only ugly word I’ve ever heard it use since. I was putting up blinds in
the living room, and the screwdriver slipped and hit my thumb.
“Fuck!” I said with a burst of vehemence. “Fuck,” came back
to me so quickly I thought it an echo. But I turned around to be
sure, and there sat Sarah grinning proudly up at me. I hadn’t heard
her crawl in to watch me. I made nothing of what had just happened.
Didn’t reinforce it by laughing or admonishing or anything. Just
said something like, “Well hi, Sweatpea! I didn’t know you were
in here.” I believe I forgot to check my thumb to see if it was
bleeding. With a powerful magnifying glass today
I might be able to find a wee scar there, though. A memento.
As
I said, I never heard that word from her mouth since, nor
any other profane or obscene language. Then again, she rarely lost
her temper that I noticed. Either a very good natural actress or just
a sweet-natured kid (it’s my prerogative to go with the latter).
And now? It might seem silly of me to say this—even in quasi-jest,
but what if playing one of these garbage-mouthed violent lasses in
The
Illegal
rubs off on her active vocabulary? Can
I risk taking her to Bangkok
Noi
or Juan’s
for lunch next time she comes home from L.A. for a visit? (Should I
have used two question marks on that last sentence? Three?)
 |
Sarah and dad
|
But
enough about me and my stuffy worries. Did I like the novel? Well,
aside from you-now-know-what, I loved it. I’m not an action
fiction fan, nor do I know a helluva lot about movies about
superheros. Believe it or not of
the
action, while I’ll likely never fall in love with the “grindhouse”
genre I do like me a good satire with an imaginative plot. The
Illegal
has both, in spades (pun inadvertent, but might as easily come
straight from the book). Better yet, it deals with unsettlingly
current realities, featuring such headline-dominating issues as
sexism, racism, child
slavery, drug
abuse, official corruption, and corporate exploitation.
A
bonus for me, which almost balances my personal angst
about my sweet, beautiful, talented, daughter, is that I now have an
authoritative reference on movies and superheroes. After a little
practice I could berate the hippest street dude or smuggest college
grad student with something like:
“Shazam!
was
supposed to be a comedy, but it wasn’t funny! It was supposed to be
an action movie, but it wasn’t exciting! The only redeeming part of
the movie was the kid on the crutches, the one who played Eddie in
IT!
That nigga should’ve been the star, cause’ homeboy can act! But
the main kid was a fucking joke, and that punk has no business in
front of a camera!
“I
hated, hated, hated, HATED that movie! Every audience-insulting
moment of it! And I’m not pissed that it made money! Look at Batman
V,
Superman!
Look at Hancock!
Look at Indiana
Jones and the Senior Citizen!
Look at Twilight!
Bad movies make money all the time! What pissed me off is that so
many people liked Shazam!
God,
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here! That ‘movie’
SUCCCKED!!!!”
Not
sure who does that
voice, but the character’s name is Devon Davis,
so I know who it’s not!
Steven
Cortinas? Haven’t heard of him? Here’s how he describes himself:
A
light-skinned Hispanic that never learned Spanish growing up in
Texas. Dropped out of college. Moved to Hollywood. Joined the Screen
Actors Guild. Didn't want to be famous. Just wanted to work with
creative people. His upcoming novels comprise The
Legacy Universe,
which began in 2003 with the creation of a girl named Erin Escalante
(The Shadow War). The universe has since blossomed into multiple
characters and stories, all of which are now coming into fruition.
Steven still lives and works in Los Angeles, where he is STILL a
light-skinned Hispanic who never learned Spanish, but whatever. It's
all about the work.
 |
Steven Cortinas
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