I
can be strong and unemotional when it comes to someone else. I think
I may worry as much about talking out loud to myself as I worry about
stuttering. I think some of my dreams may be homosexual. I think I’m
afraid I might start stuttering incurably when I even think that
thought of being homosexual. I don’t know why I feel that way about
those dreams. And I also feel that some of my other dreams may be
heterosexual, and I do know why. I am chasing and pumping away with
girls in those dreams and almost get there … And know also that
much of my waking life is composed of defenses against behavior I am
not aware of and would find difficult to justify. Why do I feel like
crying so often and why do I refuse to let myself do so … ever?
There are times, afterward, when I wish I did and regret I didn’t.
I often used to feel like crying after quarreling with my daughter. I
am no longer proud that I can remain unmoved. I hope desperately that
my little boy never finds out I’m a fag if that is what I really
am, although I think I might derive some nasty gratification if my
wife began to harass herself about that possibility.
Joseph Heller and wife reacting to something in Something Happened in which he says terrible things about her |
Pretty
racy stuff (meaning risqué,
as
racial issues, too, were pretty much skirted in bourgeois literature
back then
when whites
called blacks
"Negroes" or
"colored people" in
polite publications)
back then in bourgeois literature, which of course Something
Happened
most definitely was (bourgeois) if only because it was so popular, as
"high" literature has always prided itself on excluding
the boobswasie by
"virtue" (ha, ha) of its members-only standard
of elevated vocabulary and syntax and words in fashionable foreign
languages and pertinent references to the literature of venerable
long dead or esoteric living fictionalists, poets, philosophers, and
essayists the more obscure the cleverer. There aren't any big or
italicized foreign words or clever literary references in Something
Happened,
which
must
have offended the most self-serious of the literary pecksniffs at the
time and undoubtedly continues to deeply annoy those remaining in
power and their post-post-...modern (one can never be certain how
many posts
are in fashion with whom at any given time, which is precisely why
the ruling pecksniffs keep that target moving, one suspects)
acolytes. The breakthrough for Joseph Heller had come more than a
decade prior when an editor at Simon & Schuster, Robert Gottlieb,
let fly (in spite of himself, no doubt) while reading a rough draft
of Heller's first novel, Catch-22,
the laugh that smashed through the virtually impregnable gate of
literary pecksniffery (fortunately the gate wasn't, at least then,
literally impregnable, ha, ha), which remained ajar thirteen years
later when Something
Happened
happened. Ha, ha. Unfortunately, in the words of Shakespeare, or
perhaps someone of equivalent literary stature (maybe even a purveyor
of irony in the Bible!):
"No good deed goes unpunished," which in our context
applies many years later to Robert Gottlieb's rejecting John Kennedy
Toole's Confederacy
of Dunces
(even though he might have laughed, but the times they had a'changed,
taking with them, one presumes, the vogue of a different sort of
laughter), which went on to win a Pulitzer after Toole, discouraged
and taken to drink, gave up writing and soon thereafter killed
himself. (Ha,
ha.)
Where
were we? How did Something
Happened
affect me when I read it the first time? Back in 1974 when it first
came out (ha, ha)? It made me laugh. Other than that, I can hardly
remember much about it. I'd even forgotten about it pretty much, as I
suspect most everyone else has, having laughed when they first read
it, and then moved on (like I did) to read serious,
pecksniff-approved literature. So why do I (how can I?) assert that
Something
Happened
is the
American Novel of the period from about the last half of the 20th
century up to now? Notice I do not say "Great" American
Novel, as I believe the word "great" to be greatly
overused, overused to the extent its significance has pretty much
devalued from, say, Great
Expectations
to, say, "Great Balls of Fire." But,
prompted by Fictionaut.com's
resident dark satirist Chris
Okum,
I'm revisiting Something
Happened and
coming
to see it as the quintessential depiction
in the mind of one of its victims
of the cruelly
indifferent, identity torquing, soul-sucking miasma our
materially
resplendent
"civilization"
(ha,
ha) has
drifted into, lured and goaded by primal
forces
better understood and explained by poets,
cartoonists, philosophers, psychologists, sociologists,
and possibly even anthropologists (not to rule out metaphysicists!),
encapsulated in this example, to wit (channeling Heller with the pun
of insanely ironic legalese, which
I should apologize for assuming I needed to explain):
I
wonder what kind of person would come out [ha,
ha]
if I ever did erase all my inhibitions at once, what kind of being is
bottled up inside me now. Would I like him? I think not...Deep down
inside, I might really be great. Deep down inside, I think not. I
hope I never live to see the real me come out. He might say and do
things that would embarrass me and plunge him into serious trouble,
and I hope I am dead and buried by the time he does. Ha, ha.
And
this:
(Nothing is suppressed in
our family.)
(In our family, everything
is suppressed.)
Ha, ha.
Now that you've seen this
little parody of Something Happened you'd be insulting
yourself not to read a real review, the best of them being: Kurt
Vonnegut on Something Happened.
[for
more Friday's Forgotten Books check the links on Patti
Abbott's unforgettable blog]