Not gonna lie. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do lie. I'm just not
lying here. This is too important to dance around the truth with. The
truth is my doctor has ordered me, on threat of losing my health
insurance coverage, not to read the rest of I've Been Deader.
I suppose it's my fault I told her I suffered the hernia while
reading the first chapter of I've
Been Deader.
She'd
been looking at me funny as she felt around down there. Finally she
said, "You have a very serious laugh hernia. What were you doing
when this happened?"
I
told her.
"Gimme
the book," she ordered, giving me a squeeze, which, I must
admit, felt both stimulating and agonizing simultaneously (try
reading that last sentence real fast eight times).
"No!"
I shouted. "Why not?" she said, softening her tone just
enough that I felt my resistance begin to slip away. Her hand
continued to probe, although more gently now. "B-b-b-because
it's an ebook," I half-gasped, half-murmured, and quickly added,
"b-b-but I can lend you my Kindle!"
She
waved the offer off with her other hand and said she would happily
download the book herself. I said, "B-but aren't you afraid you
might get a laugh hernia, too?"
 |
| Adam Sifre |
She
laughed, an ugly laugh, and asked, "How old are you?"
"I
just turned...,” I said proudly. Her response? "Ewww,"
and she dropped her hand from its professional ministrations. She
snapped, "Nothing personal. I have other patients."
At
least I got a prescription for Vicodin out of it, with which, wearing
a special truss designed just for laugh hernias, I've been able to
continue reading I've
Been Deader.
Sure it hurts, at least three times on every page. But I'm a stubborn
cuss, and not afraid to click on the Kindle button that says, "No
Contretemps for Old Men."
[Oh,
btw, it's a story about zombies, if you haven't inferred as much from
the cover image—crimes galore, of course. Even if it hurts to laugh,
you just might find it rather...uplifting.]
No comments:
Post a Comment